Comments on: What Has To Be Earned?

By: TitforTat

TitforTat — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 02:42:39 +0000

Good Post Doug………..Im surprised I didnt respond sooner, I now know why. Very cathartic for me too. Thanks!

By: freestyleroadtrip

freestyleroadtrip — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 02:58:06 +0000

Roger. Thanks for the affirmation. On an intellectual level, I know I am not alone, but not until recently (the last 2 years) have I found others with the same struggles.

By: freestyleroadtrip

freestyleroadtrip — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 02:50:13 +0000

You’re welcome. Glad to do it.

By: Roger

Roger — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 20:05:45 +0000

FSR,

We are a lot alike. You are not alone. I appreciate you sharing this and look forward to seeing where your journey goes from here….as another layer of onion falls to the floor.

By: Sunflower Mama

Sunflower Mama — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 11:36:19 +0000

This is awesome! Thank you for sharing this piece of yourself.

By: freestyleroadtrip

freestyleroadtrip — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 19:13:14 +0000

Yael. I don’t know if it is differing worldviews so much as it is female/male and the way we are inherently different. Plus, I think the way I have grown up, as I desribed, plays into it. To me, just going to do my job so that I can bring home some money, is near misery. I want there to be more in it than that. I think males place a lot of their value as people into what it is they do. That’s the way we are geared, to do things. And the point I’m making with the post is that I think that I have taken it a bit to far at times. It’s a bit dysfunctional at times for me. So I’m trying to just be cognizant of this and not fear allowing some emotion to fill me.

By: societyvs

societyvs — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 17:49:14 +0000

“because we never what we wanted to gain out of life”…should read – because we never KNEW what we wanted to gain out of life.

By: societyvs

societyvs — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 17:47:48 +0000

“On the other hand, how do we keep a high level of motivation to do good work or do our best without falling into the approval cycle?” (Larry)

Easy – we do it because we love it or others will be benefited by it – in essence – we don’t need approval as a motivator – love can fit right in there in its place.

I actually think approval as the motivator will lead to true burn-out and possible stress disorders (even a nervous breakdown). We can’t please everyone all of the time – its just not possible – at some point we have to admit ‘I can’t make everyone happy!’.

We need to be happy – and what makes us happy? We need approval – from those we love and care about – screw the rest…but really – we need to love ourselves also. If we keep trying to attain to standards that vary from place to place eventually we find the standards change – we need to set our own and live by them (for a more sturdy foundation to work from).

I have no problem with approval mind you – just it being a prime motivator for doing good. What if approval is no longer there…then what? Deer in headlights – because we never what we wanted to gain out of life.

There is a balance between approval and our personal standard – to forgo one is the hurt the other.

By: Larry

Larry — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 21:12:11 +0000

Approval is a cruel taskmaster because we can never do enough. I’ve been down that road for many years. On the other hand, how do we keep a high level of motivation to do good work or do our best without falling into the approval cycle? People do appreciate us for things we do. They do admire us for achievements. These seem legitimate.

By: Yael

Yael — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 18:39:58 +0000

Just to make sure I don’t come across as a totally self-deluded jerk, the ‘me’ part of my life is my time away from work when I study and write. And of course just as it is with most people, the ‘me’ part also enables me to affect things beyond me, even though the initial motivation is just that I find these things help make my life meaningful to me.