Glimmer

I just started the book “Crazy For God” by Frank Schaeffer. I don’t know if anyone out there has some opinion of it or not. I chose it because of the blurb on the front after it was recommended on a blog that I follow. That blurb is an indicator that maybe Mr. Schaeffer understands some of the same things I am currently going through. That blurb is this: “How I grew up as one of the elect, helped found the religious right, and lived to take all (or almost all) of it back.” Hmmm. Sounds like I might identify in some ways with him.

I am 50 pages into it and am not let down. Even little phrases and the way he says certain things speak to me. I understand what is behind what he is saying. I have lived much of what he is talking about to this point. Not the locations and things that he did. In fact, I think we are interested in way different things. Our likes are quite a distance apart. But the thinking behind the life is that with which I can identify.

There is a quote in the introduction that clarifies nearly exactly how I feel about my recent search for how God wants me and him to relate to each other. On page 5, “My life has been one of all-consuming faith – not my faith, but the faith of others that I seem to have caught like a disease and been almost obliterated by. What does God want? I am still trying to find out…Every action, every thought, every moment I stumble into is judged by an inner voice. Everything seems to have a moral component. Eating…sex…what I write, don’t write, who I talk to, don’t talk to, and how I raised my children, their characters, accomplishments, failures, whether they ‘love the Lord’ or not…”

Man have I felt that and still do. What it feels like to scrutinize nearly everything you do or say or think for purity or rightness. And it feels like no way to live. It feels like a way to die. I am eager to find out where Mr. Schaeffer ended up on his own personal search. Maybe it hasn’t ended. But I see a glimmer of hope for me in his words thus far.

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9 responses to “Glimmer

  1. wow… i feel that quote. that’s the best description of my life to date.

  2. Luke. Mine too. It has me very intrigued. He understands what I feel. And I think he understands it exactly. And it is good to know that you seem to also. I have felt so lonely trying to find others who understand that in me instead of judging that in me.

  3. Doug

    I get the feeling youve had lots of time to think when doing your Triathalons ;)

  4. I’ve been reading your blog and appreciating what you have to say AND the comments that follow.
    Just so you know…I agree with your comment on my post as I stick my tongue out at you.

  5. This paul…Calana was on my computer. I look forward to hearing more about the book when you are done.

  6. I met his father years ago and heard Frankie speak when he first moved to Eastern Orthodox. It is a fascinating story of the politicalization of Evangelicalism. NPR’s Fresh Air did an interview about this book that may still be online.

  7. JohnT. Yes. But usually I am thinking why I got myself into this and how much pain in am in. :)

    Calana. Thanks for the support. And….put your money where your mouth is. :)

    Paul. The book is great. Actually, amazing. I can tell from just his phrasing and word choice even that he and I have the same understanding. I bet you would relate equally well.

    Dr. Paul. Well I guess you are the upper crust of evangelicalism if you have met Frank Schaeffer to hear Frankie talk. I am even more impressed. :)

  8. I hear a lot about the book – and I can also relate to making faith ‘one’s own journey’…which is really at the heart of what ‘faith’ means. We cannot borrow someone else’s faith and think we have found ours – that includes sculpted religion and dogma’s…because how do we know they are legit?

    I am all about trying and testing something and seeing what it means and looks like. If someone is spouting off about ideas concerning judgment and its uses – I just need to know what that looks like in the 21st century (my personal elaboration). I cannot take someone just their word – because that’s not the point of the scriptures at all (to be fancy words). Scripture is ideas we can use and elaborate on – to help define pieces of our lives that need more direction or some filling in the blanks…from ideas like integrity to forgiveness to anger. It’s like counselling in a way if you ask me.

    Plus religion now a days seems so awkward to me when I see the 21st century church in all it’s actuality as compared to the simplicity of those teachings – it’s a virtual add on library from church to church. I am like ‘who needs all this stuff added on to an already good idea’…and I am going to keep it simple – love your neighbor as yourself is the paradigm to live by – the rest is window dressing…and I ain’t no windown shopper.

  9. Pingback: Window Shopping Are We? « Losing My Religion

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