Feeling Quiet

Not sure why. Haven’t fealt really very “bloggish” for the last couple weeks. Maybe I need a bit of a rest from it. Haven’t really been reading as intently as I usually do either. My soul just feels a bit quiet, like it’s resting. And I’m good with that. I have been still slowly working my way through The Sacredness of Questioning Everything by David Dark so I’ll share another interesting quote here briefly from page 114:

“…The many want the Jesus Christ whose name is a secret password into eternal bliss. The few will allow Jesus’ gospel to actually infect the way they think about, talk about, and regard other people. The few will grapple…with Jesus’ always provocative good news broadcast.

If we do grapple with it, our sense of the newsworthy and of who we need to be listening to will be subverted and overturned. We will begin to sense a sanctifying presence in new places. We’ll dream new dreams about ourselves. The remarkable and the holy will show up unexpectedly. Our sense of the world will become one where no human life is unsacred or uninteresting, and there are no nobodies. Every stranger has a story.”

Bondage A Bit Further

Sorry to have disappeared off the face of the earth for 10 days or so. I left town to compete in my race (Kansas Ironman 70.3 with race report here) and then embarked on an amusement park trip with my family to Worlds of Fun in Kansas City and then Disneyland and Laguna Beach. Got back last night. We were supposed to go to Silver Dollar City in Branson, MO, today but Jack developed an ear infection so we decided to delay that part. I’m a bit motion sick after 4 plane rides and 3,000,000 roller coasters so am glad to put that part on hold. But I failed to get a notice up before I left town as I intended. So now I’m back and ready to get going again.

I started a book on the plane called The Sacredness of Questioning Everything by David Dark. Just saw it on Amazon as I was looking around one day. It had good reviews so I decided to try it. And it’s good. Real good. Maybe as good as Crazy For God. It rings home with nearly all of the things I have been going through over the last 2-3 years. Very affirming.

My last post on bondage struck a chord with a few so I wanted to go a bit deeper. When I refer to the church and systematic theology as bondage, I am referring to the ideology that develops with everyone becoming strictly like-minded. That can be very destructive, and it is one of the bad things about the church as a whole. Dark captures that in a bit of a different light on page 22-23:

“…Religion is born out of questions, not answers. Only a twisted, unimaginative mind-set resists awe in favor of self-satisfied certainty.

We often call such a mind-set ‘fundamentalist,’ but we might simply call it ‘bad religion.’ And for the sake of humility – a characteristic crucial to sacred questioning – we might do well to confess that we’re capable at any moment of such bad religion ourselves. We’re capable of reducing other people to a cartoon character or caricature. We tend to be unwilling to treat what we perceive to be the opposition in a proper manner. Instead of dealing with others with a sense of graciousness and fair-mindedness, we devalue them in the very ways we fear they devalue us.

More humility might characterize our talk of God if we believe that the whole truth can never be entirely ours and that our attempts to nail God down are always well-intentioned human constructs at best and idols at worst. We might become more self-aware and pay closer attention to how our ideas about God affect the way we treat other people. We might commit ourselves to asking and receiving questions. Living in this way, anyone – even someone sporting an offensive bumper sticker – might be a bearer of the wisdom we need and a speaker of a word from [God]. Perhaps we should occasionally place our hands together like Buddhists and bow to them. Or, as a Celtic prayer has it, we might sense the spirit of Christ in the heart of the one we speak to and the one we listen to.

When we don’t speak agreeable to someone with whom we disagree and don’t know how to ask questions because we think we already posses most answers, we’re practicing bad religion. We aren’t curious or kind (save to our fellow believers) and we can’t be made to question, even for a moment, our fear-hardened beliefs. As best-selling atheist Christopher Hitchens put it, we’re breathing in the religion that poisons everything.”

This nearly exactly describes the situation to which I awoke and found myself in the middle of. The answers I was getting to honest questions were “you need more faith,” “you just have to trust more,” “you aren’t close enough to God,” “you aren’t giving enough of yourself.” These may be well intentioned, but they are not remotely helpful and are more about shutting me up and keeping the peace and keeping me in line than they are about giving honest answers to honest questions.

So what do you think about this quote from Dark? It’s a great book. I’m only a few chapters into it. And I promise you I can find a way to tie it to The Matrix.

Vacation Photos

I added a new page for photos and have posted some from our recent trip to the Dominican Republic. I’ll post more as the year goes along.

Please don’t forget about my “Bondage” post as this one now covers it. More comments are welcome there.

The Matrix Revolutions – Truth Part 2

In case you were waiting for part 2, I have put it over on my triathlon blog as it is most pertinent there. Please don’t give up my previous post,The Matrix – Bondage, just because I have another thing stacked on it now as it has only been out there for a day. I would like a lot more comments of what I have to say there. Fill that comment section up.

The Matrix – Bondage

I went on a run with a good friend today. We used to train together when he lived in Kansas. He now lives in Arizona, but we get in a bit of training when he and his family are back visiting family. Our runs and rides were filled with conversation that covered the entire landscape from family to faith. I miss these training talks and cherish the few times a year that we are able to engage each other in this way.

Our conversation today wandered over to bondage. The bondage in which we find ourselves without realizing we are there. The bondage that, once we are aware of it, either has to be broken apart or submitted to. Watch the clip and then continue on with me. Sorry for the captions. It was the best visually that I could find.

We talked about the bondage that comes about from institutional church. Now hear me out. I am not claiming that institutional church is all bad. There is good stuff happening at most if not all churches. But we are fooling ourselves if we think that it is all just pristine and blessed by God. Some of it is just downright awful.

Churches are run like businesses. And in some respects, they have to be in order to survive. When a church has debt and paid staff and programs, they have to be funded. So there has to be some degree of everone falling in line, thinking in the same way, “doing and thinking about God” in the same way. If that doesn’t happen, no money. No money. No traditional church. And if we are not careful, just joining in to the collective mind can land us smack in the middle of bondage.

I suggest that in many such systems, there is an underlying message that is influenced by the needs the church has to stay afloat. For example, at a church I once attended, the pastor from the platform in front of the church stated that we should let God tell us to add an extra zero to our offerings. Well, I put my pen away and took away both the zeros and all the other digits. A small example of that which I speak but definitely an example.

As I began to have questions about God, faith, theology, doctrine, I realized that in the above scenario, I was never going to get an answer to an honest question that wasn’t influenced by the church as an institution. I wasn’t likely going to get an answer that went against what was needed for the institution to survive and for the masses to stay in line. So I bailed. I jumped off the likemindedness train and went out in search of answers. I took the red pill.

I think the take home is to be on your guard. A “splinter in your mind” may actually need to be taken seriously and not ignored. Just because someone with power claims that God is doing something or that God said something, this does not make it so. Don’t live in the bondage of a “prison for your mind.” Think for yourself. Ask difficult questions. Don’t fear your doubts.

What Has To Be Earned?

Back from an awesome trip to the Dominican Republic. It is the first vacation that I remember coming back from feeling rested. Usually, it is a “hair on fire” endeavor to cram as much into a trip as possible: more surfing, more Space Mountain, more National Parks, more golf, more 14ers, more, more, more. But this was just me and Karmen (and for the rest of The Canon, John and Denise too). We layed by the pool. We got in the pool. We laid on the beach. We got in the ocean. We walked on the beach and shared a Cuban cigar. We talked with new friends. We watched the lovely Dominican people have fun with their dancing and their shows. We danced some ourselves. We slept. We golfed. It was just awesome. And I will post some pictures for you to enjoy. But today I want to ask some questions that came to me towards the end of our trip.

I have learned something about myself in a new way. For some reason, I, emotionally, am crippled. Somewhere early in my life, I learned to turn off most of my emotions. Why I did this, I have not ever been really certain. I believe one of the things I read from Dr. Phil McGraw one time: “People do what works.” So somehow, eliminating emotion worked for me. I think I am beginning to understand why.

It has to do with the reason why I have done much of what I do. I am trying to earn something. I am trying to earn approval. And the only way I have known that I am OK is when I am told by others that I am doing or have done a good job. And you know what gets in the way of doing that? Emotion. In our culture, no one will compliment me because I am a man who feels. But everyone will compliment me because I am a man who works hard.

I remember the first time I understood this. Seventh grade. Before then, I was a slighty better than mediocre student. But in seventh grade, Mrs. Thompson highly complimented me for my efforts. I learned that if I worked hard and got A’s, all sorts of people approved of me. I liked it. So I got one B from 7th-12th. And I decided to take on one of the hardest tasks out there, becoming a medical doctor.

That same year, I had a basketball coach who really spoke of the value of working hard at basketball. How it made you better. How it made you great. How it was honorable. I quickly found that all sorts of people also approved of me for working as hard as I could at basketball. So I worked and worked. I made the starting five on my ninth grade tryout at an all boys school where 200 boys showed up for the tryout. I remember running a specific extra sprint during the tryout and the coaches telling all the rest of the boys that they wanted that kind of effort out of everyone. So I lettered 3 years in high school and got a scholarship to play in college where I beat out the entire rest of the team, seniors and all, for the Mr. Hustle award during my freshman season.

I remember about this same time riding in the car on the way to church with my family. We were on Reservoir Road in Little Rock, AR. I was a bit of a worrier up to this point in my life about stuff like my appearance, my weight, blah, blah, blah. And I was realizing that worrying was going to get in the way of my new work ethic. So right then, I remember the moment very clearly, I decided that I was not going to worry about anything. I turned it off. And for the most part, I haven’t since that very moment worried about much for very long at all. My parents, if they read this, may be surprised to discover these things about me. I didn’t talk about them. I didn’t talk about much. I kept my feelings to myself. I kept my thoughts to myself. And honestly, sometimes I remember being praised by any number of individuals even for that. I had no problems, or appeared to have none at least.

Those three things had a tremendous impact on shaping who I have become. Who I am is a dude who knows how to work awfully hard, who knows how to put out tremendous effort, who knows how to out-effort the next guy, who knows how to endure (Luckily, by complete chance most likely, I have also learned how to rest and not work myself into the ground. I work hard when I work. But I understand the value of rest. In fact I would even say that I feel like I have to earn rest. If I haven’t worked, I don’t deserve rest. I don’t think I’m a “classic” work-a-holic. I’m an effort-a-holic.). Earning approval through effort was reinforced over and over and over and over and it still is. And emotion gets in the way of effort so I have shut it off. So I find myself as a man who knows how to work hard and even loves to do it at times but who is a bit hollow because there is not much emotion along with it.

Karmen asked me just the other night as we were talking about this what it would be like to do all the things that I do (triathlon, compete, climb, train, surf, golf, martial arts, etc) because I loved to do it rather than because I was trying to earn approval? I burst into tears. Wow. What would that be like? It might be amazing! It seems like it would be peaceful. I want that.

So now some of the questions: How has this thing I have outlined above shaped my view of God? How has this thing I have outlined above affected my relationship with Karmen? How has this thing that I have outlined above affected my relationship with Jack and Jace? How has this thing that I have outlined above affected my relationship with friends? How has this thing above affected the things that I truly love to do like triathlon?

Some of the possible answers: Emotion mostly comes out of me when it does as frustration or anger. I don’t have many friends and maybe just one really good one. I push Jack and Jace too hard. I push Karmen too hard. People often tell me I look mad or that my words and my facial expressions do not match.

I apologize for kind of getting less organized and philosophical and more wandering and personal with this post. But this is what is inside of me right now, and I needed to get it out. Probably a sign that I am moving in the right direction on this thing.

We Are Off! (Almost)

My wonderfully hot wife and I leave for a week in the Caribbean in 3 hours. Celebrating our 16th wedded year together, 19 years total. Our first really big trip. Too excited to sleep. Will catch up with all of your comments when I get back. RAWK! Hope Luke doesn’t mind me stealing his word now and then.

The Link

I haven’t been in the habit of linking to items in the news so much, but this particular story strikes me as important. It is no secret, as I have stated on this blog, that I see no contradiction between the first chapters of Genesis and evolution. They are completely compatible. Furthermore, I believe evolution to be as much a fact of life as gravity. It is the way it is and us arguing about the way it is will not change a single quark. Instead, I think our task  should be to discover how it is through good science, good philosophy, good debate, and the senses and powers of the mind that God gave us. We should be using good science to help us understand the bible better. And we should be using the bible to help us understand good science better. They are compatible and complementary, and you get more out of one when you consider the other.

The cool thing about this new fossil discovery is that it is felt to be at a branching point in the evolutionary tree. That branch is along primate evolution where one trunk divides into two branches. One branch goes down the direction of lemurs and such and the other branch goes to monkeys and humans. There are characteristics that differ among these groups which make them separate and this fossil sits right at the crux of where those two branches diverge. It really is very exciting. I’ll let you read the article to find out the details if you like.

Missing Link Article

The real problem with this debate, evolution vs creation, is very interesting. to me. I see both sides making the same mistake really. Both sides hold fundamentally to their way of considering the world, and it is odd that both sides hold to reason as the utmost value. Creationists hold to the bible as literal (historical vs metaphorical). Why? Because it removes doubt. It allows you to believe in something solid. It relys on reason. And that starts with Genesis. If it is literally  (historically instead of metaphorically) true then we have some foundation on which to base our interpretation of the remainder of the bible. It is logical. Evolutionists do the same thing except that they throw faith completely out. Why? Because is not logical. God and the spiritual cannot be proven to exist through objective data so they are not real. In the end it is the same mistake on opposite ends of the line. And there is a whole lot of truth in the middle that gets missed.

The Matrix Revolutions – Truth Part 1

I have heard people say that they were disappointed by the 3rd movie. Well I did not experience that. I found my interest increasing through the entire series and did not feel unresolved at the end. I loved the whole thing and plan to watch all 3 several times. It really needs to be taken as a whole. The individual pieces do not mean as much when considered separately although they each have plenty in them to stimulate discussion.

So I want to discuss the fight scene near the end of the piece between Neo and Agent Smith. The entire scene is really rather surreal. The rain. The dark. The intensity of it all. At one point near the end of the confrontation, it appears that Agent Smith has gotten the upper hand. The exchange goes like this: 

Agent Smith: Why, Mr. Anderson? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you’re fighting for something? For more that your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Yes? No? Could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it, Mr. Anderson. You must know it by now. You can’t win. It’s pointless to keep fighting. Why, Mr. Anderson? Why? Why do you persist?
Neo: Because I choose to.

Or if you prefer to watch it, this:

Well there is so much in this I could probably write a book. But I want to deal most specifically with the idea of truth that Agent Smith suggests to maybe be that thing for which Neo is fighting. I think that truth is the very foundation on which Neo is fighting. Of course, if you know the story, on the surface he is fighting for love. But that love is founded in truth.

Neo existst in two worlds. The false “vagaries of perception” which is the Matrix is one. This is where the majority of humanity is living, content with just jumping through the hoops, not even realizing that what they see and believe to be truth is a lie. But Neo has been enlightened. The scales have been removed from his eyes. He mainly exists in the hard core reality, only entering the second world of The Matrix when necessary to serve the purposes for which he and his comrades are fighting.

Neo knows the truth because he was willing to challenge the mainstream. He was willing, way back at the beginning of the story, to question the Koolaid that everyone else was drinking. He was willing to do the work. He was willing to confront the lie. He was willing to take the risk. His pursuit of truth was not met with favor by most. His pursuit ticked a lot of people off and his enemies increased. But his trek for truth also led him, contrary to the words of Agent Smith, to that greatest of human emotions and experiences. Love. And when you’ve gotten to love, my friend, I believe you’ve gotten to God.

I will follow this up with a part 2 post on what was the nature of the truth which Neo sought. Sometimes it was empiric. But sometimes it was in his gut. Sometimes, truth was something he had to choose to believe in without a lot of empiric support.

 

“The Matrix Reloaded” and Inclusion

OK. I finished The Matrix Trilogy. Amazing stuff. To all those who are not movie watchers, if you ever decide to jump through a movie hoop, these three are worth the viewing. I am not a huge movie and TV watcher myself as I don’t have enough time (and would rather train anyway). But I think there is more in these three movies than in just about any other series that has philosphical material : Batman, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars.

In reloaded, a conversation took place between Commander Lock and Morpheus about how best to deal with the impending attack. Lock of course believes in the traditional “let’s organize our military and blast them.” Morpheus on the other hand, while not discounting Lock’s point of view, places more significance on “The Prophecy” that Neo is “The One” who is destined to save Zion during this very crisis as not only their way of life but their very exsitence is threatened. During this exchange, the following lines are said:

Commander Lock: Damn it, Morpheus, not everyone believes what you do.
Morpheus: My beliefs do not require them to.

That is an amazing response from Morpheus and reminds me of the current state of affairs in our culture. Christians think that everyone who does not “convert” is living in sin and doomed for hell. Followers of Islam think that the West is full of infidels who must be exterminated. Democrats and Republicans both stick to ideologies til death rather than genuinely cooperate. Atheists think that anyone who believes in anything other than that which is empiric and rational are idiots. And on and on and on and on and on it goes. Of course I realize that not everyone in these groups holds to such stereotypes. But there sure is a lot of it going around.

Instead, shouldn’t we all be able to sit at the same table, respecting each other’s experience, respecting each other’s beliefs, instead of telling each other where we are wrong? Instead of telling each other that we hold all the truth and you don’t hold any of it. Instead of telling each other we are going to hell or heaven based on which hoops we have or have not jumped through or that there is nothing beyond this life. Etc, etc, etc….

We all hold bits of the truth. Lock tried to tell Morpheus that his was not truth, and Morpheus countered with a response of grace that actually affirmed what Lock thought was true. He was not threatened. Man, how much better this world would be if that is how we all sought to interact, grace and affirmation with an honest hunger to know and understand each other’s truths.